aquarius...1/22-2/21...
Now is not the time to play stalker. Harmless as it is, following people in the park could have serious repercussions in the current climate of planetary paranoia. No number of passed lie-detector tests will help you after an arrest - rein yourself in now. While you have your eye on someone, someone else may have their eye on you - don't treat counter-surveillance as a joke, and keep your hands out of the petty cash. Remember Napoleon Bonaparte, though small of stature had a pastry named after him. |
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pisces...2/22-3/21...
There will be days when it will seem that the solution to life's problems will be to drink warm gin and weep. Self-pity is a trap. Make sure the ice trays are full! There is no excuse for not mixing a martini, bar a lack of vermouth. And a very little will do. Standards have to be maintained in the face of the troubling celestial influences - if the choice is to wear a starched shirt or not, choose the former. Uniforms will be helpful for your self-image this month, especially those of the 19th century Prussian army.
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aries...3/22-4/21...
It's that time of year, and one of the first signs of the changing weather are the large flies that hover indolently around your head. They may be refugees from the large flock of bug-eating birds that are forming up noisily outside your window, but the thought does not endear them to you. Just because they're in your house doesn't mean that you have maggots, although you might want to take out the trash. Time to join friends at a Sports bar, if motocross is not available.
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taurus...4/22-5/21...
For all your businesslike demeanor, you've never forgotten your first love. Now that you know that grape soda doesn’t taste like grapes, you are embarrassed to be seen drinking it, but that doesn’t stop the passion inside. Let people see the real you, but do so modestly - the law is quite specific about what constitutes obscenity, and it line no one wants to see you cross.
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gemini...5/22-6/21...
You may be too busy to notice, but people are immensely attracted to you. Perhaps that's why they are dressing like you, and imitating your mannerisms. Be cautious - it can be a thin line between flattery and identity theft. Be careful what you put in the trash, and don't give out fashion tips lightly - now is the time for questioning motives. Jean Paul Sartre was a Gemini if that’s any consolation, and the beatniks copied his beret pretty shamelessly.
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cancer...6/22-7/21...
Beware, try as you might to guard your privacy people are going to see behind your calm exterior. Your mother is now firmly convinced that you don't keep the house neat all the time. She thinks you clean up just before she comes over and the rest of the time live like a pig. She's not angry, just sad. Now is the time to call her before she comes over and starts organizing your fridge.
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leo...7/22-8/21...
Your hunch that you are being secretly filmed for a reality based TV show, with the full connivance of government authorities is correct. At the local level, the Sheriff has handed over a series of interesting Polaroid's of you preparing chocolate pudding in your underwear. The Federal Government has authorized the use of tracking satellites, to monitor your Orlando vacation. Use those Leo organizing skills to make the most of an embarrassing episode, and push for residuals.
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virgo...8/22-9/21...
Time to stop deluding yourself. Your cat goes out at night and drinks cocktails in smoky nightclubs - why else to you think it sounds so much like Ertha Kitt? Irritability and sleeping during the day are signs of a hangover. Each time you open a can of cat chow you're not just feeding tabby - you're feeding an addiction. Get hold of the rest of its litter and hold an intervention.
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libra...9/22-10/21...
Your propensity for detachment will stand you in good stead. While romance will be easily achieved in the first half of the month, repercussions will be swift and entanglements complex. Background checks are advisable and a little casual conversation about family history will gain you leverage in the final reckoning. Remember - the bible doesn’t say anything about blackmail being a crime - just witchcraft.
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scorpio...10/22-11/21...
Nothing says loving like home cooking. Empty that fridge of unused condiments and wilting vegetables and whip something up to entertain that certain someone at home. Food allergies will diminish in severity as Mars runs its cycle, but don't attempt dessert. Sara Lee does some nice cakes. Remember the old proverb - if you're a water buffalo don't tap-dance. Just mope around - it's in your nature.
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sagittarius...11/22-12/21...
It's not that you can't make a difference - you should recycle - but you are not going to decontaminate that aquifer all on your own. Start by offering to clean a neighbor's yard. Don't take no for an answer, even if forcefully expressed. Darkness and black clothing offer cover for covert operations. The swing set is nothing but an eyesore. Unless the property is posted, it's quite hard to prosecute for trespass. |
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capricorn...1/22-1/21...
Drink more coffee - your languor is irritating those who should be your most fervent supporters. Mornings are when most other people get up, and you shouldn't make yourself an exception. Capricorn's make bad criminals, but a little check-kiting should be profitable this month. Be wary around animals. Black Bears look cute, but can be quite rude if they don't like your dress sense. |
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